Tag Archives: reflections

Unsteady

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Have you ever felt like a feeling is slipping out of you, slipping away, so much so, that you feel a need to find ways to hold onto it? That the very foundation you believed in, the world you created on it’s platform..is crumbling to dust? How do you grasp onto the fleeting moment of an emotion before it’s gulped into a veil of numbness? Do you run after it? Do you catch it? Do you cage and tame it, if you do? Or do you let it go, because for once the lifelessness seems less scary, that it’s better for the numbness to swallow you than to let reality eat you up?

 

Memories

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Life went by so quickly that it was impossible to keep track of all the things I had lost in the way. So many smiles I would never see again. So many roads I might never walk again. The old cassettes we thought were worthy to save and collect.

Life went by so quickly that it was impossible to keep track of all the things I had lost in the way. Like the way the bustling video shops closed down without any of us noticing. Like the way we could only reminisce now of how patient we used to be with lagging video games and weekly episodic melodramatic TV series.

Life went by and we evolved, grew and became the people we thought we would never. The veneer of innocence was lost someday and we never went back and searched for it.

Life went by and we lost things we never considered precious. But, now, some nights, they come back only to haunt. I am growing too fast. I am vanishing all too soon. If I had another chance, I would try to hold them tighter, but, then, I remember, sand sips out of anything that is broken, once. It’s done.

Through the Years

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When looking back to all these years, I felt like I was treading through treacle. I have laughed, smiled, cried and winced as I tripped down memory lane. I felt like I was standing in a large cine theater watching someone else’ life, yet, it was mine. What have I learned throughout this lengthy process? I have learned that I finally like me just as I am. You see as I flipped through the photos of my life I saw I had never been to me I was only a shadow of the woman I am created to be. I also saw over recent years I have filled the hurt and voids with so many unnecessary things, which left me constantly feeling overwhelmed. As I let go, the tears may have flowed but a simple truth remained the things most precious to me are not mere things but my family and friendships and these cannot be stored or collected but require daily connection and appreciation. The clutter will never replace our basic human need to be valued and appreciated and share the love we came to earth with. I feel much lighter and more focused on loving those I am blessed to have in my life.

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Relationships Nowadays

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Relationships have been replaced with “talking”. Which consist of pointlessly texting and a random phone call here and there. People text or “talk” merely to fill a void when they get bored. Commitment is a rare thing to find. Date nights really don’t exist much anymore. Chivalry is pretty much a thing of the past. There’s no more opening the car’s door for her or going to the front door to pick her up for a date. Today’s society cheating has been accepted way more than it should be and people classify it as a mistake. Since it is accepted more people continue to go back to the same person that has cheated on them repeatedly. (Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results) Feelings don’t really matter anymore and it’s became a hurt someone before you get hurt kind of world. Cheating or crossing the line has become way too easy with social media. People don’t put in the effort that it takes to keep a relationship healthy or work. When things get tough people give up. Relationships have lost its value over the years and they aren’t how they are supposed to be anymore. To the girls that say there aren’t any good guys left in the world, maybe you should reevaluate the kind of guys you pursue. To the guys that can’t find a good girl, I can guarantee that you aren’t looking in the right places.

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It Doesn’t Matter

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Sometimes people allow their past hurts to keep them down, the he said, she said, he did, she did to stop you from progressing. But no one really stops you from being great, from having more, from being more other than yourself. Okay so that job didn’t work out, that friendship didn’t last, that marriage failed, but now what? What are you going to do in order to keep progressing in life? Never allow your past failures to be who you are now. They were obstacles that you overcame. As long as you allow your past to dictate your current and future situation you will always be stuck. Get out there and prove everyone wrong, get out there and make it happen, get out there and get your own. Don’t stay bitter and angry…don’t allow your past to control your happiness. Because while you are focused on the people who hurt you, guess what. ..they are LOVING life.

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Loneliness

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Loneliness wears so many faces

It is the child who hides under the bed playing with his imaginary friends and creating fairy tales and mystical lands in his mind while his parents fighting downstairs

It is the mother who pretends to be in a crowded room and close her eyes so it doesn’t hurt when she sees that no one is there; she’s like an ancient tomb of an unsung forgotten warrior that no one is visiting anymore

It is the man with the big life and dreams, who laughs too loud, and works way too much, because he doesn’t want to go to an empty home

It is the married couple who sleep on the same bed, but the dead silence had wrapped itself upon them like a blanket on a cold winter night

It is the alcoholic you see every Friday night in the pub who thinks a bottle of liquor is his only source of warmth and attention

It is the woman you meet in the same pub with the red lipsticks, a broken smile, and a pair of eyes afraid to meet yours

It is the girl who counts the “likes” on her Facebook and Instagram posts trying to enhance her image and validate her own false reality

There are far too many people on this planet who are lonely, unloved, and uncared for; and each one of them is trying to hide their loneliness differently

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Living life in a colorless world

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Feeling nothing is not natural. Not many are born

without joy or hatred. Emotions are not switches to be turned on and off

at one’s will. They are lenses of colored glass held up to the eye

through which the world

starkly contrasts itself.

When you get to the point where your emotions are all out of whack and you smile instead of cry, or just apologize because you can’t deal with losing anyone else, your world becomes filled with mixed emotions.

In this state, eyes are dull without feeling

and lips move to soundless words

because nothing has meaning.

Living life in a colorless world for a lost soul results in moving through each day trying to get through the day with great effort…but knowing you’re heading towards the nothingness ahead can be overbearing and can cause an unbearable feeling of being alone….Every situation is more intense and every situation involving loved ones, friends, and even your professional life can make it seem like all is lost when one thing goes wrong.

It’s hard living life, but each day you wake up…it has to be for a positive reason right??

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