Through the Years

When looking back to all these years, I felt like I was treading through treacle. I have laughed, smiled, cried and winced as I tripped down memory lane. I felt like I was standing in a large cine theater watching someone else’ life, yet, it was mine. What have I learned throughout this lengthy process? I have learned that I finally like me just as I am. You see as I flipped through the photos of my life I saw I had never been to me I was only a shadow of the woman I am created to be. I also saw over recent years I have filled the hurt and voids with so many unnecessary things, which left me constantly feeling overwhelmed. As I let go, the tears may have flowed but a simple truth remained the things most precious to me are not mere things but my family and friendships and these cannot be stored or collected but require daily connection and appreciation. The clutter will never replace our basic human need to be valued and appreciated and share the love we came to earth with. I feel much lighter and more focused on loving those I am blessed to have in my life.

Trust me, he said

Eyes closed
Arms open wide
He stands behind
As I fall into oblivion
"Trust me." he said
and I did.

Relationships Nowadays

Relationships have been replaced with “talking”. Which consist of pointlessly texting and a random phone call here and there. People text or “talk” merely to fill a void when they get bored. Commitment is a rare thing to find. Date nights really don’t exist much anymore. Chivalry is pretty much a thing of the past. There’s no more opening the car’s door for her or going to the front door to pick her up for a date. Today’s society cheating has been accepted way more than it should be and people classify it as a mistake. Since it is accepted more people continue to go back to the same person that has cheated on them repeatedly. (Albert Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results) Feelings don’t really matter anymore and it’s became a hurt someone before you get hurt kind of world. Cheating or crossing the line has become way too easy with social media. People don’t put in the effort that it takes to keep a relationship healthy or work. When things get tough people give up. Relationships have lost its value over the years and they aren’t how they are supposed to be anymore. To the girls that say there aren’t any good guys left in the world, maybe you should reevaluate the kind of guys you pursue. To the guys that can’t find a good girl, I can guarantee that you aren’t looking in the right places.

 

Still cannot get over you

They say the hardest thing is letting go of someone you love. You can’t go back in time, you can’t change a thing; so, you decide to move on but sometimes it stings really hard.

You know, I wonder about your day, if you are having a good day or a bad day. I wonder if you have come across anything that amuses you. I think about the things I could tell you about my day. It has been a dreary day. Actually, the past three months have been a difficult ones for me. Negativity and sadness have dominated my thinking. Today, in particular, has brought back a sense of hopelessness; I feel like I’m left behind like shells on a seashore, after the sea recedes.

I miss you, and I hope you are missing me too.  You see, I don’t seem to be able to escape the thought of you:  the books I read, the films I watch, all appear to conspire to remind me of you in one way or another. Sometimes, there are hours in the day when I just repeat your name and I don’t even know why.

I am a prisoner in my own mind, subject to my own atypical neurological conditioning, but you set me free when we were together in person. I am clean, I am pure, I am free when I’m with you, and I wouldn’t want to change that for anyone or anything this decrepit world holds for me.

You are the diamond in the rough, and I the prospector, working my fingers to the bone to find you, dirtied and weak, you bring respite to my weary mind.

I hope you can see that I mean everything I say. I’ll be there for you, through thick and thin, no trial or tribulation too difficult, too torturous to endure to feel you in my arms once more. To unlove you is beyond comprehension, such a thing is not to be mentioned.

 If my words don’t give you comfort, then I hope space and time will. Till then, I will wait I for you like the boy that waits for his lost father to come home, and I know you’ll be back sooner than I think, but each waking minute away from you is an eternity.

Intimacy

Intimacy isn’t just about sex or physical contact

Intimacy is when you don’t need hands to touch somebody

Intimacy is about being vulnerable, not wearing a mask

Feeling safe as you strip your soul layers by layers

As you stand naked, showing him your true self, even the darkest parts

or the parts you hate the most about yourself

But despite that he will still look at you as

you are something authentic, unordinary and special

Love

Love – the word that we use to describe what

We feel

A poor semblance

Yet all we have to illustrate the

Feeling

Which resembles

Color more so

 There are the

Yes

And the

No

Black

And

White

(some wish for it)

They are afraid of the possibilities

(a drab world this would be)

(I think)

(I have a feeling it would never know the likes of you)

(One like you could never exist in such a world)

Of black and white

(Glad I am that such a world is not)

Thankfully

There are

Colors

A spectrum full

And you are one

 I am caught like the moth

Flying ever so close to the flame

You

And I –

I am in your

Under your

Spell

 Love does not convey my

Emotive self – how my heart beats faster

(faster)

What I feel

All perspective is gone

As if there is a time that exists all on its

Own

 And I am glad that you have this power over

Me

(to make me feel)

Take me where you will

I am ready

I am anxious

It cannot be love

It cannot be love

unless it hurts

that’s what love is

that is what love

is supposed to do..move you

make you  feel every drop of sadness

and every bit of hope

 

Love Expectations

I think expectations kill a lot of relationships, love shouldn’t come with a check list. Too

often people compare what they have to movies and their friends’ relationships. Taking

silly advice like, if he doesn’t hold your hair back when you throw up it’s not real or if

she doesn’t call you when she’s drunk out with her friends than it isn’t real. But love is

spontaneous, love is madness. You argue viciously but at the end of the day you don’t

want to see anyone else’s face but theirs. It’s not about waiting for your prince charming,

but going out to find your own happy ending. It’s not about the material things you could

bring to her. It’s something that just feels right something that isn’t forced. You could

have a complete checklist and still feel like somethings not right. It’s not supposed to be

perfect to everyone else, it’s supposed to be right just for you. If you should find yourself

unhappy then be fair to let one another know to save yourselves some time to recover,

give each other that closure too. Don’t settle for any less than you deserve, throw away

that checklist.

Just let it go

When trying to deal with a past bad relationship. Sometimes you have to forget a person’s existence and let them become a faded picture.

 It’s not to be mean or spiteful. It is for your own peace of mind. You cannot make someone’s love for you be real or them to be what you expect them to be.

 You have to allow them the time to realize that the mistake they made isn’t something that they can just fix and they must live with their regret. Whether they ever admit it to other or not. It will be something they cannot lie to themselves about and will live with.

 Sometimes the puzzle pieces don’t fit no matter how much you try to force them to.

 It’s when you step back and look at the puzzle and realize that the piece you are trying to make fit. May be owned by someone else and you are holding on to something keeping you from your missing piece.

Quote of the Week

“Teach your daughters and sisters that it is okay to be alone, that the existence of a relationship does not make them whole.
Don’t shame your friends for wanting to be alone/being single. Relationships entered with these unhealthy mindsets will most likely be unhealthy and unfulfilling.” From Black Geisha