Unsteady

Have you ever felt like a feeling is slipping out of you, slipping away, so much so, that you feel a need to find ways to hold onto it? That the very foundation you believed in, the world you created on it’s platform..is crumbling to dust? How do you grasp onto the fleeting moment of an emotion before it’s gulped into a veil of numbness? Do you run after it? Do you catch it? Do you cage and tame it, if you do? Or do you let it go, because for once the lifelessness seems less scary, that it’s better for the numbness to swallow you than to let reality eat you up?

 

Spinning Motion

I hate this spinning
motion
that spawns in my chest
and spreads
to every
bit of my
body
that ends in each inch
spinning in different
directions
to where I can’t figure
if my feet are up
or sideways
if my heart is thumping
or stopping
if this world is a
vacuum
because there is
no
air
no
sound
and I am
scared

(An old poem)

China Doll

China Doll

On a shelf she sits,
On the wall,
Beautiful and defined,
The china doll.

They pass her by,
Smile and look.
Her soul,
An unread book.

She just wants,
To be hugged and loved.
Nobody stop,
In the corner she’s snubbed.

Afraid she’ll get broken,
so they leave her alone.
The pain in her heart,

 Leaves her cold as stone.

Growing Old

Take a look at an old photo of you and think of how you’re aging all the time, drawing closer to your last breath. You can marry, have children, grandchildren–graduate, get promoted, buy houses, cars, and toys. Take vacations and build for the future. But the future comes and all you see is that old photo of you: younger, healthier, happier, more vital. The future comes and it only brings your end, and all your work and children and houses and such go on to their end, and the future you were building was only a dream, an illusion which you kept working for, drudging toward and for what? Why was all so important to you? Why did you take it all so seriously?

(My birthday is next week, and I always feel a little down during my birthdays especially this year as I’m turning 30 so I’m bit emotional )

I’ll try to find a way

I will try to find a way

I will try to find my courage

To fill the void

This feeling inside me is so unusual

And I’m laying breathless in my bed

Tell me what I should do

To bring the broken pieces back together

Tell me why you had to leave

And even though you are not here

I will remember you every time my heart beats

And I will try to find a way to live again

The Absinthe Drinker by Viktor Oliva

(Note: I wrote this poem few years ago)