Unsteady

Have you ever felt like a feeling is slipping out of you, slipping away, so much so, that you feel a need to find ways to hold onto it? That the very foundation you believed in, the world you created on it’s platform..is crumbling to dust? How do you grasp onto the fleeting moment of an emotion before it’s gulped into a veil of numbness? Do you run after it? Do you catch it? Do you cage and tame it, if you do? Or do you let it go, because for once the lifelessness seems less scary, that it’s better for the numbness to swallow you than to let reality eat you up?

 

The Never-Ending Circle

You feel Miserable; you yearn for Appreciation.
You yearn for Appreciation; you yearn for Love.
You yearn for Love; you fall in Love.
You fall in Love; you have everything.
You have everything; but, you begin to lose one thing at a time.
You begin to lose one thing at a time; you lose Everything.
You lose Everything; you fall out of Love.
You fall out of Love; you feel Miserable

 

In the town of broken hearts

In the town of broken hearts,
The rain never stops,
And people walk, without any place to call home,
And every nook and corner, every street,
Or be it an alley,
You will find hearts lying shattered,
And dreams hanging in thin air.
In the town of broken hearts,
All were lovers once.

Down I Go

Deeper
&
Deeper

I

F
A
L
L
.
.
.

Looking glass?
Rabbit hole?
Through or down?

I can not see
I do not know

Peaks:
Lonely, ominous
Valleys:
Dark, cavernous

No light to be seen
Only skewed reality

Happiness

Outstretched arms
Open heart

Muscles strain
Synapses stretch

All in vain
Only an illusion

Quote of the Week: On Grief

“On grief: I hope you know it is okay if your strength looks a little different in this season. I hope you know that the fire inside of you is still there, even if it burns quietly, and gently, as candles do on windowsills. I hope you know that it is okay to not feel the same and to notice all of the things that have changed, because all of this, absolutely all of this is very real. I hope you also know that even in the rush of it all, there is time and grace to heal. There is time to take your time here, seeking peace beyond understanding, even if you do not feel you are all the way there yet. Breath after breath, depth into depth, the steps that you take not only matter, but they reveal the quiet strength that has been in you all along, and has been growing ever since. “— Morgan Harper Nichols

Melancholy

I’m feeling like the corpse of a cat on the side of the highway
Whose owners never found him but they hope he’s okay
Guilt radiates from the driver inside
Of the car that crushed his neck and his spine
And from the child who mistakenly let him outside

(old one from 2015)

Spinning Motion

I hate this spinning
motion
that spawns in my chest
and spreads
to every
bit of my
body
that ends in each inch
spinning in different
directions
to where I can’t figure
if my feet are up
or sideways
if my heart is thumping
or stopping
if this world is a
vacuum
because there is
no
air
no
sound
and I am
scared

(An old poem)

Still cannot get over you

They say the hardest thing is letting go of someone you love. You can’t go back in time, you can’t change a thing; so, you decide to move on but sometimes it stings really hard.

You know, I wonder about your day, if you are having a good day or a bad day. I wonder if you have come across anything that amuses you. I think about the things I could tell you about my day. It has been a dreary day. Actually, the past three months have been a difficult ones for me. Negativity and sadness have dominated my thinking. Today, in particular, has brought back a sense of hopelessness; I feel like I’m left behind like shells on a seashore, after the sea recedes.

I miss you, and I hope you are missing me too.  You see, I don’t seem to be able to escape the thought of you:  the books I read, the films I watch, all appear to conspire to remind me of you in one way or another. Sometimes, there are hours in the day when I just repeat your name and I don’t even know why.

I am a prisoner in my own mind, subject to my own atypical neurological conditioning, but you set me free when we were together in person. I am clean, I am pure, I am free when I’m with you, and I wouldn’t want to change that for anyone or anything this decrepit world holds for me.

You are the diamond in the rough, and I the prospector, working my fingers to the bone to find you, dirtied and weak, you bring respite to my weary mind.

I hope you can see that I mean everything I say. I’ll be there for you, through thick and thin, no trial or tribulation too difficult, too torturous to endure to feel you in my arms once more. To unlove you is beyond comprehension, such a thing is not to be mentioned.

 If my words don’t give you comfort, then I hope space and time will. Till then, I will wait I for you like the boy that waits for his lost father to come home, and I know you’ll be back sooner than I think, but each waking minute away from you is an eternity.

Something I could never have

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting an unwinnable battle
Nothing you do will ever be right
Nothing you do will ever be good enough
Things will never pan out
You will never get what you want out of life
You can try with all of your heart
And all of your soul
But you are just not meant to succeed
You are not meant to be happy
The moments you experience
Only provided to tease you
To show you what you’re missing
To show you what you don’t deserve
To remind you what you’ll never truly have

(wrote this poem few years ago)

Loneliness

Loneliness wears so many faces

It is the child who hides under the bed playing with his imaginary friends and creating fairy tales and mystical lands in his mind while his parents fighting downstairs

It is the mother who pretends to be in a crowded room and close her eyes so it doesn’t hurt when she sees that no one is there; she’s like an ancient tomb of an unsung forgotten warrior that no one is visiting anymore

It is the man with the big life and dreams, who laughs too loud, and works way too much, because he doesn’t want to go to an empty home

It is the married couple who sleep on the same bed, but the dead silence had wrapped itself upon them like a blanket on a cold winter night

It is the alcoholic you see every Friday night in the pub who thinks a bottle of liquor is his only source of warmth and attention

It is the woman you meet in the same pub with the red lipsticks, a broken smile, and a pair of eyes afraid to meet yours

It is the girl who counts the “likes” on her Facebook and Instagram posts trying to enhance her image and validate her own false reality

There are far too many people on this planet who are lonely, unloved, and uncared for; and each one of them is trying to hide their loneliness differently