Tag Archives: sadness

Spinning Motion

Standard

I hate this spinning
motion
that spawns in my chest
and spreads
to every
bit of my
body
that ends in each inch
spinning in different
directions
to where I can’t figure
if my feet are up
or sideways
if my heart is thumping
or stopping
if this world is a
vacuum
because there is
no
air
no
sound
and I am
scared

(An old poem)

39933108

Advertisements

Still cannot get over you

Standard

They say the hardest thing is letting go of someone you love. You can’t go back in time, you can’t change a thing; so, you decide to move on but sometimes it stings really hard.

You know, I wonder about your day, if you are having a good day or a bad day. I wonder if you have come across anything that amuses you. I think about the things I could tell you about my day. It has been a dreary day. Actually, the past three months have been a difficult ones for me. Negativity and sadness have dominated my thinking. Today, in particular, has brought back a sense of hopelessness; I feel like I’m left behind like shells on a seashore, after the sea recedes.

I miss you, and I hope you are missing me too.  You see, I don’t seem to be able to escape the thought of you:  the books I read, the films I watch, all appear to conspire to remind me of you in one way or another. Sometimes, there are hours in the day when I just repeat your name and I don’t even know why.

I am a prisoner in my own mind, subject to my own atypical neurological conditioning, but you set me free when we were together in person. I am clean, I am pure, I am free when I’m with you, and I wouldn’t want to change that for anyone or anything this decrepit world holds for me.

You are the diamond in the rough, and I the prospector, working my fingers to the bone to find you, dirtied and weak, you bring respite to my weary mind.

I hope you can see that I mean everything I say. I’ll be there for you, through thick and thin, no trial or tribulation too difficult, too torturous to endure to feel you in my arms once more. To unlove you is beyond comprehension, such a thing is not to be mentioned.

 If my words don’t give you comfort, then I hope space and time will. Till then, I will wait I for you like the boy that waits for his lost father to come home, and I know you’ll be back sooner than I think, but each waking minute away from you is an eternity.

Something I could never have

Standard

Do you ever feel like you’re fighting an unwinnable battle
Nothing you do will ever be right
Nothing you do will ever be good enough
Things will never pan out
You will never get what you want out of life
You can try with all of your heart
And all of your soul
But you are just not meant to succeed
You are not meant to be happy
The moments you experience
Only provided to tease you
To show you what you’re missing
To show you what you don’t deserve
To remind you what you’ll never truly have

(wrote this poem few years ago)

d5tx8jw-626a7bef-83dd-4937-8707-eb20e22ea522.jpg

Loneliness

Standard

Loneliness wears so many faces

It is the child who hides under the bed playing with his imaginary friends and creating fairy tales and mystical lands in his mind while his parents fighting downstairs

It is the mother who pretends to be in a crowded room and close her eyes so it doesn’t hurt when she sees that no one is there; she’s like an ancient tomb of an unsung forgotten warrior that no one is visiting anymore

It is the man with the big life and dreams, who laughs too loud, and works way too much, because he doesn’t want to go to an empty home

It is the married couple who sleep on the same bed, but the dead silence had wrapped itself upon them like a blanket on a cold winter night

It is the alcoholic you see every Friday night in the pub who thinks a bottle of liquor is his only source of warmth and attention

It is the woman you meet in the same pub with the red lipsticks, a broken smile, and a pair of eyes afraid to meet yours

It is the girl who counts the “likes” on her Facebook and Instagram posts trying to enhance her image and validate her own false reality

There are far too many people on this planet who are lonely, unloved, and uncared for; and each one of them is trying to hide their loneliness differently

loneliness

Living life in a colorless world

Standard

Feeling nothing is not natural. Not many are born

without joy or hatred. Emotions are not switches to be turned on and off

at one’s will. They are lenses of colored glass held up to the eye

through which the world

starkly contrasts itself.

When you get to the point where your emotions are all out of whack and you smile instead of cry, or just apologize because you can’t deal with losing anyone else, your world becomes filled with mixed emotions.

In this state, eyes are dull without feeling

and lips move to soundless words

because nothing has meaning.

Living life in a colorless world for a lost soul results in moving through each day trying to get through the day with great effort…but knowing you’re heading towards the nothingness ahead can be overbearing and can cause an unbearable feeling of being alone….Every situation is more intense and every situation involving loved ones, friends, and even your professional life can make it seem like all is lost when one thing goes wrong.

It’s hard living life, but each day you wake up…it has to be for a positive reason right??

73915141

Envy

Standard

By now she imagines
that her envy must have a flavor
Bitter orange and arsenic,
or apple peels and dust

It’s hard to be content
when she sees better all around
Unattainable, out of reach,
like sweet ripe fruit just above her head

she can’t change anything real, so
she will change her hair, change her dress, change her ideas
And hope nobody notices the plain old her
still hiding underneath

she feels like a brown-grey caterpillar
so how come, after so many years
she isn’t
a butterfly yet?

Post Breakup

Standard

Dear Ex,

Can you please lift the curse?

She asked while looking at his pictures

She isn’t able to escape,

The songs she listen to, the movies she watches, and the books she reads

All appear to conspire against her

To remind her of his face in one way or another

She can even hear the memories talking through the wall

Sadness weighs her down like anchor weighs a ship down to the sandmichelle-brea-mod-3